i was thinking and for me that can be dangerous lol

tonight i was sitting outside and i started thinking how much i miss being married to kontar even though he is now an ass he wasn't always like that things i miss the most are when we used to stay up all night playing playstation,going for long rides acting like 2 nuts singing knowing neither one of us could sing lol, and watching movies on the couch i would bury my head in his chest and fall asleep.i sometimes wonder should i try and get back with him? when someone changes for the worst could they ever go back to who they once were? is he who i am ment to be with or does god have someone else for me? and what kind of man would want to be with someone like me i can't cook, i would rather be getting greasy working on a car then getting my nails done my mom used to say i should have been a boy lol, i am short, fat and funny looking, i wouldn't be cought dead in a dress or shorts for that matter,and uneducated and that is just the begining of my faults.should i just keep waiting hoping there is someone better than tar for me or give in and go back to him? i am not getting any younger or any better looking.