i was thinking and for me that can be dangerous lol

tonight i was sitting outside and i started thinking how much i miss being married to kontar even though he is now an ass he wasn't always like that things i miss the most are when we used to stay up all night playing playstation,going for long rides acting like 2 nuts singing knowing neither one of us could sing lol, and watching movies on the couch i would bury my head in his chest and fall asleep.i sometimes wonder should i try and get back with him? when someone changes for the worst could they ever go back to who they once were? is he who i am ment to be with or does god have someone else for me? and what kind of man would want to be with someone like me i can't cook, i would rather be getting greasy working on a car then getting my nails done my mom used to say i should have been a boy lol, i am short, fat and funny looking, i wouldn't be cought dead in a dress or shorts for that matter,and uneducated and that is just the begining of my faults.should i just keep waiting hoping there is someone better than tar for me or give in and go back to him? i am not getting any younger or any better looking.

goin crazy just need to vent

ok as many of you know i have been staying with my sister to help her but i am sick of her and her hubbys bull sh*t i gotta get the f*ck up out of here before i go off i pay most of there bills and they act like i am an inconvience to them if i would not have been here they would have lost their home because they can't afford it but now i'm fed up i'm lookin for my own place and they will never have to worry about hearing from me eva again i am praying and asking for prayer that the place i went to today comes through if it does and i move out i will be back to my happy self  so i apologize if i have been a horrible friend lately but i don't like to post alot when i am upset.