i was thinking and for me that can be dangerous lol

tonight i was sitting outside and i started thinking how much i miss being married to kontar even though he is now an ass he wasn't always like that things i miss the most are when we used to stay up all night playing playstation,going for long rides acting like 2 nuts singing knowing neither one of us could sing lol, and watching movies on the couch i would bury my head in his chest and fall asleep.i sometimes wonder should i try and get back with him? when someone changes for the worst could they ever go back to who they once were? is he who i am ment to be with or does god have someone else for me? and what kind of man would want to be with someone like me i can't cook, i would rather be getting greasy working on a car then getting my nails done my mom used to say i should have been a boy lol, i am short, fat and funny looking, i wouldn't be cought dead in a dress or shorts for that matter,and uneducated and that is just the begining of my faults.should i just keep waiting hoping there is someone better than tar for me or give in and go back to him? i am not getting any younger or any better looking.

goin crazy just need to vent

ok as many of you know i have been staying with my sister to help her but i am sick of her and her hubbys bull sh*t i gotta get the f*ck up out of here before i go off i pay most of there bills and they act like i am an inconvience to them if i would not have been here they would have lost their home because they can't afford it but now i'm fed up i'm lookin for my own place and they will never have to worry about hearing from me eva again i am praying and asking for prayer that the place i went to today comes through if it does and i move out i will be back to my happy self  so i apologize if i have been a horrible friend lately but i don't like to post alot when i am upset.

why? idk

today my yv account was banned and idk why so if you don't see me around thats why i am upset a little because there are gifts from people that mean alot to me and if i can't get it straightened out i doubt i will return
i will stop by fb to say hi and check on my besties i am off to visit my grandmom in mississippi i will talk to you all when i get back love,hugzzzzz, muahzzzzz, and prayers to you all have a safe and happy easter

rondom rambling ons lol

as alot of you may have seen i haven't been on much i am very depressed and trying to stay busy in rl as my health seems to be going down i find myself missing my mom more and more she always knew how to make me feel better and i miss my privacy as i am living with my sister i love her to death but even though i have my family and friends i still feel lonley and down. i used to find happiness when working on cars and now i just get annoyed and angry.i have prayed that god just please take me home so that i can find joy again i know he has a plan for me and apparently my work on earth isn't done yet but i can't seen to figure out what i m here for so that i can complete my job here the doctors keep giving me meds but they don't seem to help they just put me to sleep. so i guess i will just have to suck it up. i am open to any suggestions that may help. and i would like to thank everyone for putting up with all of my whining my friends are the bestest muahzzzzz <3 ya  

my testamony

Hello everyone.For starters i'm not good at really writing but i'm going to try lol. this is an intoduction just to let you know a little about me. my name is kandi i am a 37 year old single mom i have two great boys ( well most of the time lol ) i am working my way to being a christian i try but i still have a long ways to go but i have come a long way i used to be a drug dealer and considered a thug and a total bitch, i shot at least 7 people in my life one is paralysed for life its not something i am proud of but i tell you this to show how far i have come i believe in all of my heart that i shouldn't be alive.
 before i had my first son around 1995 i tried to go straight i got a real job working for donnellys in 2000 i was diagnosed with cancer and i thought i'm going to die and well thats what i deserved for all of the bs i done in my life until i met this guy that told me about god and i laughed and said god can never forgive all of my sins i think i comitted every one of the 10 commanments and more  and that i was going to go straight to hell i fugured that when my time comes god will take 1 look at me,roll his eyes and condemn me to hell after he finishes laughing at me for even attempting to get into heaven.Even after i told this man all of the stuff i had done he proceeded to tell me how god is a forgiving god and that even though i have done all of that stuff he would welcome me with open arms after about three months of him talking to me i finally said i will give it a try so he sat me down and had me say this prayer asking god to come into my heart and i though i don't feel any different. but even though i was going through chemo, was sick and in pain for some strange reason i was feeling happy and grateful for little thing that i never though about before and my mom said thats jesus working on you, and my mom started to pray for me and with me and that made my whole family closer and i though god would never give me the blessings my mom was praying for me but about 8 months later my doctor said that my cancer was in remission, and i remember my mom saying the prayer of a rightgeous man brings great power and wonderful results and said that god has a plan for me even though we don't know what it is just listen to him and you will figure it out. 
i'm sorry for rambling on so i guess thats all for now